Parenting issues

I'm pretty sure I was the best parent before I had kids. I had a solution for everything. i.e. Your kids are throwing a tantrum? Well, don't you dare give in to them! You've got to be strong! They're being too whiney? You've got to stop spoiling them. I can't believe that your child is just kicking and screaming in the middle of the grocery store! Get a hold of your children, people! Don't smother them, but love them. I was pretty confident that I would make none of the mistakes that I saw other parents making.

And then I became a parent. Suddenly, my life is full of mistakes. And second-guesses. And questions. And hoping that I am not ruining my child for life. Suddenly, I am that mother that I never thought I would be, you know, the one whose child is throwing that very tantrum at the grocery store because they want to eat the banana that you just put in the grocery cart.

But here's the thing: I absolutely love being a parent. More than I ever thought I would. But it is by far the hardest thing I've ever done. Not necessarily physically...although, let's be honest, giving birth wasn't exactly the easiest thing I've ever done...and come to think of it, neither was running full speed across the playground to save my dangling child from the monkey bars...or carrying two kids plus two diaper bags plus a stroller to the car...alright, scratch that, being a parent is physically demanding. But more than that, I feel like parenting is mentally challenging, especially when it comes to discipline. Like I mentioned before, it's the second guessing and just hoping and praying that my child will turn out ok. i.e. Is it ok that his time-outs are really nothing more than a seperation from the situation instead of a punishment? Or is that going to come back to bite me? Will the fact that I lost my cool and yelled this afternoon because he pushed his friend for the umpteenth time scar him? When I think things like this, I try to remember something that my friend told me once. She said, "Well, luckily kids don't remember much that happens before the age of 4, so this age is just practice for when they're older!" I often rely on that fact. Hopefully, as long as Jake knows that he is loved more than anything in this world, the mistakes that I make as a parent will be forgotten and this age can be used as "practice."

I would like to take this moment to officially apologize for any judgments that I may have passed on parents in the past. Being a parent is tough, and I don't assume to know answers anymore. I have a few opinions (that psychology degree had to be good for something), but those are open to change.

I would also like to take this moment to apologize to Jake for any long-lasting damage that I cause him. Maybe I'll get this parenting thing down by the time the next one comes. Please don't remember my mistakes, just remember that I love you!!!

Finally, I would like to apologize for the length of this post. Those of you who read to the end are real troopers!